Marriage is a lifelong commitment and as such, must be carefully planned and prepared for. It’s so easy to get carried away with the preparations, aso ebi and party planning, and forget what actually matters, the marriage you’re trying to build,
No matter how many butterflies your fiancé gives you before you get married, some of them will disappear during marriage. This is not a curse, it’s just a statement of fact. The kind of love that builds a marriage goes beyond Telemundo and R and B. It takes real work and real commitment. And that work must start before the wedding.
To avoid arguing with your spouse daily and feeling like you are married to a stranger, both of you need to lay out some ground rules while you are still engaged to ensure that you two have the same vision and expectations for your marriage.
5 things to discuss before marriage
1. Accommodation
You need to first sort out where you will live and start your family before your wedding day. It’s a great idea for both of you to go house shopping together so that each person has a say in the final choice of accommodation. Some men prefer to remain in their family home even after marriage. If this option does not go down well with you, be sure to let him know and discuss alternatives.
2. Money
These days we have more marriages where both couples are employed and working full time. This means there are two streams of income flowing in. If that is the case with you and your fiancé, it is important to discuss how these monies will be managed properly. Who will pay for what? Will there be a joint account? How much should be reserved for savings or other investments? Once these issues are clearly outlined, there’s a lesser likelihood of you two disagreeing on money issues in your marriage.
3. Children
Do you plan on having children? If you do, how many? What family planning methods will you use to space the children? Will you hire a nanny to help out with the kids? What kind of school will they attend? Will you set up a trust fund for them or resolve their financial needs on the go? All of these and more should be properly hashed out and agreed on before your wedding
4. Live-in guests
For some couple, having family members living with them is a total turnoff while some others like the idea. You and your fiancé should decide if either or neither of you would want a family member to live with you. Sometimes, it’s just for the purpose of having someone around to help out with chores or just for the sake of having someone else in the house to talk to. Whichever the case, be sure to have this talk to avoid unnecessary arguments over it later on.
5. Conflict resolution
Though this is usually overlooked, it is extremely important to discuss and agree on the best way to resolve your differences, because whether you like it or not, you and your spouse will lock horns sometimes.
How then do you intend to settle your misunderstandings? Will you consult a counsellor or your religious leader or elders in both families, Or would you hash things out between yourselves without third parties?
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